Tender Mercies

Three weeks ago, on April 25th, I called my mom to check in on my dad's father, my grandpa Cliff, who was recovering from heart surgery. Mom sounded tired and explained that the doctors, who had worked so hard to restore my grandpa's body, had said that there really wasn't anything they could do for him. The option now was to just see what Grandpa's body could do to heal on its own. This didn't sound good , I thought. Despite the news, Grandpa was optimistic. He asked what he needed to do for the doctors to let him return home to recover. He even talked about making it to the family reunion in Florida at the end of June. Then the conversation turned to my mom's mother, Grandma Rose. She wasn't doing well either, I was told. Holding back tears I told my mom that I just might need to call back. I could only handle one gravely ill grandparent at a time. But I tried to be brave and listened to my mother describe the sudden turn in Grandma's health. Mom said that she needed more help, so they had lined up hospice to care for her. I don't know much about dying, but I do know that hospice is called in to help usher one from this life to the next. Once again, this didn't sound good. I clarified the role of hospice with my mother and she agreed that it was meant for the dying but mentioned that according to hospice, sometimes they do such a good job, the patient actually improves. 

Unfortunately neither my Grandpa Cliff nor my Grandma Rose improved. Grandpa died the next day and Grandma passed away just two days later. I felt like my entire life's landscape had changed. Who would lead the Spendlove side of the family, I wondered. Grandpa had been so strong and dynamic. And who would gather the Calder side of the family together. Even when she could barely walk, the family would congregate around Grandma in her family room to discuss politics, business and family matters. Would both sides of my family drift apart?

We rushed home to Salt Lake City just as fast as we could mobilize our five little ones. Unfortunately we didn't make it home in time to say our goodbyes to Grandma Rose, but we were embraced by family. We spent five days at various funeral and family events.

On Thursday night we spent the evening at Grandpa's viewing in St. George.

Friday was the funeral. All four siblings spoke, telling favorite stories, what they had learned from Grandpa and the impact he had had on many lives. Uncle Darrell spoke on behalf of the in-laws, relating the story of the baseball bat that Grandpa was given by Babe Ruth. I had the honor of speaking on behalf of the grandchildren. I talked about knowing that Grandpa was a hero in every sense of the word: in WWII, his career, and into retirement. However, I knew that what was most important to him was his family and that he played the role of grandfather so well. Grandpa was honored with the 21 gun salute for his sacrifice in WWII. It was inspiring to see fellow WWII soldiers who grandpa fought with solemnly present the salute and then respectfully bring the flag to Grandma Carol.  Afterwards the compassionate service committee hosted a lasagna dinner for our family.

On Saturday I met my mom and sister at Larkin Mortuary to dress my grandma and finalize funeral plans and flowers for Grandma Rose. Our family tried so hard to get home to see Grandma, only to call from our layover in JFK and learn of her passing. For some reason, being able to help take care of her one last time was meaningful to me. That night we met for dinner at the Mandarin Restaurant, our family gathering spot whenever there was an event to celebrate or an out of town family member to honor. We finished the night with dessert at Mom and Dad's house. 

On Sunday we met for another dinner with the Calder family at my parents' house. Mom put on a salmon dinner that flowed from the living room to the family room and out into her garden. With the Flindts in town from Seattle, our family home from Boston, Kent's family who is scattered everywhere from Washington D.C., San Francisco, Princeton and even Dubai in town, we cherished each moment together. At various family gatherings during the week, I thought often at how much happiness it would bring both Grandpa Cliff and Grandma Rose to know that their family loved, supported and cared about each other. 

Sunday night we all attended Grandma's viewing, mingling with her friends and family.

On Monday, which also happened to be Annelise's 7th birthday, both Grandpa Cliff and Grandma Rose had funerals in Salt Lake City. After taking Annelise out for breakfast for her birthday, we headed up to Capitol Hill for Grandpa's viewing and funeral. 

We then rushed over to Grandma Rose's church for her viewing and funeral. All three of Grandma's children spoke and the service ended with President Eyring, Grandma's nephew, speaking. The service was, like Grandpa Cliff's, inspiring, reminiscent and tender. Scott talked about how optimistic Grandma was. I think that this trait enabled her to live the adventurous, purposeful life that she lived. President Eyring spoke about Grandma's ability to make everyone feel that they had such great potential, better than they thought they were. I definitely felt this from Grandma. It was also interesting to hear of President Eyring's personal experiences knowing and loving his Aunt Rose as he grew up.

 We then attended the grave dedication of Grandma. Because Grandma was an Ensign in WWII, she too was presented with honors from the Navy, with two Naval Ensigns presenting the flag to my mother and one playing taps.

Grandpa Cliff's grave was just fifty feet from Grandma Rose's. Since we had missed his grave dedication due to Grandma's funeral, we had a small family service. A bag piper played and Lisa offered a family prayer. It was a beautiful day, with the burials shadowed by the Wasatch Mountains, blue skies above and cherry trees in full bloom all around us.

Although it was quite emotional burying two beloved grandparents on one day, I recognized the tender mercies and blessings we received. When we learned that my Grandma was only going to live a few more days, we were already in the process of returning to Utah. Although her passing was quicker than expected and we didn't make it back to hold her hands one last time, I was so grateful that we were able to attend both funerals with all of our children. During our planning, I kept hearing in my mind my Grandpa Cliff saying, like he said many times before, "You bring those children to me. I want to see your beautiful children!" I was so fortunate to have been able to bring each one of my children to say their last good-byes to both Grandpa Cliff and Grandma Rose.