Half Dozen Plus One

A few weeks ago I was at Costco loading my groceries into the back of the car. From somewhere in the parking lot I heard someone shout, "Why don't you just buy a cow!" At Costco, you can buy a hunk of aged Gorgonzola, a new tire and even a pretty impressive jungle gym set, but I knew nothing of an agriculture line. Just as I turned to see who the farmer was, a man leaned out of his pick up and again implored, "Why don't you just buy a cow?!" He had eyed my milk. My eight gallons of milk! "How many kids do you have?" he continued. I like cows. My son stylishly rides in a cow skin car seat. We drive long distances to feed and milk cows. But I have never thought of buying a cow! 

                         

                                 Before

                         

                                After                                                     

The average household population in New England is 2.4. At a whopping seven heads in the Ebert household, that puts us in the minority. Ever since we touched down at Logan Airport two years ago, I find myself, at different levels of consciousness, trying to debunk the myth that seven under one roof is anything but delightful. Today I completely failed in this subconscious goal. Jonathan had a doctor's appointment in Newton, thirty minutes from our house. I knew I would have to create magic to get Emilie and Annelise to the bus stop, Sophia and Ezra to the babysitter and navigate through thick traffic to get to Newton Wellesley Hospital on time. 

I dressed Sophia in a darling summer outfit and tied her hair up into a pink bow, bathed Ezra, blew dry my hair and fed the kids breakfast. The girls had their backpacks on, Ezra had his sippy cup and blankie for comfort and Jonathan stood next to the garage door waiting to go. Everything was running smoothly until Sophia slipped into the laundry room. She came out with an unapproved outfit, complete with jammie top and winter boots. She pulled out her bow, which resulted in her hair being sculpted into a mohawk look. In the interest of time, I slipped a new shirt on her but just had to settle with the boots and mohawk. Although we made it to the appointment, I knew that my next trick would be to get back to pick up the kids at the babysitter, feed Jonathan lunch somewhere along the way, drop him off at school and make it back home before Annelise's bus pulled up in front of our house at 11:50 to drop her off from kindergarten. The day began to fall apart when I arrived at the babysitter. Apparently the sandbox had flooded from the rain. They presented Sophia to me, covered  from head to toe with sand. She must have been rolling in it. No matter. I whisked both children into the car and headed to Dunkin' Doughnuts to pick up a bagel for Jonathan. He requested to eat in the shop, opposed to in the car. He deserves a nice lunch, I thought. We were enjoying our spread of bagels with strawberry cream cheese, sprinkled doughnuts and chocolate milk when suddenly the image of the big yellow school bus, honking in front of our house came to my mind. (Just as a reference point, I have never, ever forgotten a child anywhere.) I scooped up our lunch, the baby in one arm and Sophia in the other and ran to the car with Jonathan. My options were not good. I called the school, holding back tears. Sure enough, the report back was that the bus was in front of my house with no mother in sight. The contingency plan in such situations is that the bus will return the child to the school. Perfect. I had to drop Jonathan off there anyway. However, they didn't tell me that first the bus would have to pick up all the afternoon kindergartners on the way. We arrived, ashamed at my neglect. I propped Sophia, still sandy and donning her boots, but now with bits of added strawberry cream cheese in her hair, in front of the fish tank. At this point Ezra was beyond his nap schedule. With me not being used to his new walking status, he was barefoot. He choose this moment to re initiate me into the 

escaping phase of parenthood. As we waited, the day was now fully unraveling, one poor behavior after another. Sophia needed to use the bathroom. She slammed the stall door and locked it before I could protect her from all the microscopic dangers lurking in an elementary school lavatory. Finally after pleading for entrance, I pulled out my keys and turned the lock. To my dismay, she had kicked off her boots and had fully disrobed from the waist down. She was lounging on the toilet completely making herself at home. Apparently she hasn't heard of cooties! In horror I redressed her, scrubbed her hands and led her out of the bathroom. Annelise should have been rounding the corner at any moment and I was anxiously waiting her arrival. Within seconds, Sophia announced that she was not done in the bathroom. In fact, she choose terminology that is simply too blunt for my taste and she certainly was not quiet about anything. I begged Sophia to whisper but she had caught on to my discomfort with the situation. Annelise finally arrived, and together we dragged Sophia and Ezra out the door. As a side note, Annelise took advantage of her afternoon on the bus and made "three new friends." 

 As I have strived to gracefully assimilate into New England culture, along the way I have encountered many expressions regarding our family size. It is always fun to return home from errands with a great story, and several of them are even of blog caliber! I have compiled the best of the best.  

Top Ten Supersized Comments

10. "I guess someone needs to repopulate the earth."

(Hey, where is your appreciation? My children will be paying your Social Security!)

9. "Someone was saying that you have something like seven children."

(Okay. Lets not get completely out of control!)

8. "Wow! Logistically is it even possible?"

(Cut out all that "me" time and it seems to work fine.)

7. "fa -fa -fa . . . fa -fa -fa FIVE!"

6. "I haven't actually been in a house with so many people!"

5. "Will you talk to my wife? She says we're done."

(Maybe I could get paid for this.)

4. "So you are the reason our schools are over populated."

(Once again on an economic note, the Ebert family is stimulating the economy.)

3. "So, how many more are you going to have?"

(Not exactly the conversation I want to have with the Build-a-Bear cashier.)

2. above mentioned cow comment 

("Most Creative Award" goes to Mr. Farmer)

1. "God bless you! You are a Saint!"

(Thank you!) 

I keep reading articles and hearing rumors that people are starting to have bigger families these days. Why? Because they love it, according to TIME. We are a little crazy at times, but for us, life couldn't be better!